The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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