She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
