I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
