I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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