I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
