Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
this boner is exhausting
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
