Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
