3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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