Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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