Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
