I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
