I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
