six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You were trust falling into bushes
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
