I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Your cock deserves a montage
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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