I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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