id be glad to
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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