I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
