Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
