I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
