im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
