xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so let's talk penis.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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