Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
