in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
