Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
