Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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