can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
