I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dick very happy bro
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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