My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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