Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize