i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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