Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
