is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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