Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
