Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
