3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
