I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
