If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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