i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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