Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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