Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
