yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize