The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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