Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
