i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
