she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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