I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
