I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
