Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
