Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
