She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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