Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
