My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
