Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
