Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
