We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my shit smells like andre
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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