You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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