Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
