Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
