Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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