I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize