would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
