Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
