Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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