yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
high people should be assigned attendants
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize