Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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