it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
