we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
