i will never coherently bang her
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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