I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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