I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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