Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
