Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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