I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
