Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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