i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
