She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
