Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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