But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
