He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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