....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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