my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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