Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize