I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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